if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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