i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
