it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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