I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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