GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
