Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
