My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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