no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
