i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
