i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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