I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
