party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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