My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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