Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
