? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
