i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
