it wasn't lemon gatorade
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
