im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
