Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
