My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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