How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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