This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
