the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like abortions should bother me more
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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