someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
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