So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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