Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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