I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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