I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
