grandma shit on top of the toilet
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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