Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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