Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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