I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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