i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
