threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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