She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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