Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And then he peed in my hair
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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