I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
