I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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