i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
