i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
