I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
