You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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