Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
