we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
