then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
