dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
