She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
