Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My balls are so social today.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
