I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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