I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
