Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
