im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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