I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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