It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I FOUND THE LEGS
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
