I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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