That's intense
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
