Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
