His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
