Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
