Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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