i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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