i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
even my farts smell like vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
