You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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