I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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