You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want a musical about memes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
