I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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