we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
