She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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