just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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