I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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